How many ends do I have to reach, how many shadows do I have to face, how many times do I have to endure before this ends? Be my shelter until the end.
I wish I could see your plan for me in all this but I just can’t seem to be able to peek over the fence.
My spirit has been broken and healed over and over again. I feel myself breaking again and I wish I could stop my decent before I shatter on the ground below.
I want to be the woman that you want me to be but I don’t think I can come through this time. My heart is hurting and I can’t seem to find the will to try and go on. What do you want? What are you trying to do? Make me understand. Please let this fire die down so I can see what is happening and I can breath again. I feel like I have been missing a huge piece of my walk, that I have failed royally but I don’t know what I am missing or what I have failed at. Please reveal it to me.
Let this world slow down so I can find my place with you again.
Help me papa I am lost.
Please be my shelter cause I don’t feel you.
Stay with me until the end.
The end February 6, 2009
One thing in practice, another thing in the show January 24, 2009
“Even if you know and perform the the step the correct way if you practice it differently, you will do it that way. No matter what, you have to do the same thing constantly.”
This was my ballet instructors advice when I was marking out a routine and got a little lazy with my right and lefts.
After my class was over, I started thinking how this was very true not only in ballet but in everyday life.
One of my big vices is my language. If you listen to me on a particularly hard day, I might as well be a Marine.
My soldier boy has been encouraging me to work really hard on that and I have been semi-successful at cleaning out my mouth (that bottle of Tabasco in the fridge helps too). However, no matter how much I seemed to work at it I would always have a bit of grunge slip out. So I sat down and really tried to figure out why. And then it dawned on me. Even though I didn’t always say it out loud I would think those words in my head. I practiced one thing and I expected something else in my performance.
As I though about it some more I realized I did that in many areas of my life. I would confess that I was healed but in my head I would think that I wouldn’t be. I worked to walk in love towards those around me but in my mind I growled and thought things that would never come out of my mouth.
We as Christians get very frustrated with our walks and how sometimes it seems like thinks never get better. However we are practicing one thing in our minds and hearts and expecting our outward actions to perform differently. The bible specifically tells us that as a man thinks in his heart so is he. Maybe instead of worrying about our outward performances we need to start looking at the inside were we practice.
We so often that we are not just that outward performance.
Next time you are struggling with something check your heart and your thoughts. You might be surprised at the difference once you focus on the inside.
Sometimes practice really does make perfect.
But Why Didn’t You Tell Me? January 20, 2009
You envited me to your church, you envited me to your sunday school, but why didn’t you ever tell me about your Jesus?”
This is a quote from my man’s evangelism class and when he showed it to me it stuck my heart.
Christ gave us the great commission which most of us know by heart.
“Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every nation.”
But do we really reach out to those hurting and in need?
We as a church make social events every other week and we invite our friends conveniently forgetting to tell them about the gospel message that will be presented at the end of the gathering.
We say that we are witnessing by living our faith in front of others so they can see who Christ is in us. But if we never tell them why we act the way we do our witness is in vain. We are no better than a Buddhist or Hindu and people will think we are just really good people.
We forget as Christians the power of the simple truth of the gospel.
Christ was born of a virgin, lived a sinless life changing the world one person at a time, was condemned to death by the people he came to save and change, was killed in the most inhuman and painful way possible, was buried for three days and in that time took possession of the keys to death and hell, rose again on the third day and now is seated at the right hand of the father pleading for us. And he did all that because of one simple fact. He loved us.
I challenge all of us to really sit and think about what each of those facts really means to us and what they could mean to that person at the next table over.
We do not need some fancy event or a invitation for church through which that someone will hear the amazing truth of Christ’s love and grace.
We only need what we know and our own mouths speaking forth the truth that set us free. Let us never have a person come up to us and say “But why didn’t you tell me about him?”
So let us as a church shout from the tops of our lungs the truth we know.
My Savior loves, my Savior lives, and my Savior saves!
The Fruit Of The Spirit is…. Faithfulness January 16, 2009
What comes to mind when you think of something that is faithful?
A couple that has been together for many years without cheating on each other? That cute little puppy curled up on your bed? A close friend that you have known for many years? Christ and his love?
But when you think of faithfulness does your own walk with Christ come to mind?
The Greek word that Paul used here is pistis = fidelity, faithfulness, the character of one who can be relied upon, belief with the predominate idea of trust (or confidence). In this passage it also brings the idea of continuing in the faith, or being faithful.
In the modern church there are many different ideas on what “faithful” looks like. Our pastors teach on being faithful in our devotion time or our tithes but is that really all there is to being a faithful christian?
I was taught by a very wise man that to be faithful to Christ is more than spitting out a prayer each morning or volunteering to help with the next church outreach. To be faithful to Christ is to be faithful to our faith and to the convictions that our Abba laid before with a joyful heart.
However we as Christians act as though it is a inconvenience to be faithful to our savior when he literally gave everything for us and is always faithful and true.
In the here and now it seems like we as Christians give up so much to be faithful to the teachings of the bible. We spend valuable time praying, reading our bibles, and going to church. We have to give up some of the main stream media and all of those fun little pet habits. We have to change the people we call friends. We have to give up what we consider fun and comfortable to be faithful to our Abba.
Many Christians (myself included) have at one time or another thrown up their hands in discouragement at how hard it is to be faithful and how many times it seems that we are faithful to our own flesh and the sin that used to hold us captive.
However Christ doesn’t want us to live in defeat over our faithfulness to him, or lack thereof. Nor does he want us to just blissfully do our own thing and only show faithfulness to him on Sundays and Wednesday bible studies.
I believe he wants us to seek after him with our whole hearts giving him all our devotion and love. When you love someone like that you can’t help but be faithful to what they ask you to do and what you say you will do for them.
Christ never asked us to be faithful out of duty and he never will. He will never guilt you when you are not faithful. Instead of us throwing up our hands in defeat or going blissfully along our merry ways we should ask the Lord to supply the strength to be faithful to him when we are so weak in our flesh. He will not think any less of us when we ask him for that.
With that love, devotion and strength I believe that others around us would start thinking of our relationship with Christ when they think of faithful.
When we are faithful in our words, attitudes, actions and any other parts of our lives we give off a witness that is so powerful. When we are faithful we are different. And with that difference we are salt to a world that doesn’t know the meaning of the word “faithful”.
Maybe by being faithful to Christ and his ways we will change the world one person at a time.
The Fruit of the Spirit is…..Joy January 16, 2009
Joy happens to be one of my favorite fruits in the whole world. Wanna know why? Well 18 years ago a couple had been trying to have a baby for over five years and they found out that they were going to have a baby girl. That news brought them so much joy that they decided to name her Joanna Joy 
Yeppers my middle name is Joy.
But enough on why joy is my favorite fruit.
The Bible talks a lot about joy and being joyful.
The psalms are filled to the brim with verses on being joyful and rejoicing.
In 1 Thes. 5:16 it say”Be joyful always….” and James instructs us to count it all joy when we face trials.
Many of us misconstrue Joy with happiness. However in reality they are two different things. Happiness is an emotion that all of us feel at one time or another and it is a word we throw around rather flippantly. I hear people say “I’m happy for you” or “I’m happy” without really meaning it.Many times when we are “happy” it is a very fleeting emotion that is stripped away with the slightest thing that goes awry.
Joy on the other hand is something quite different. It is not so much an emotion but a choice of your will. In the Greek language the word for joy is chairo = to rejoice, be glad,to be well, to thrive.
When we are filled with the joy of the lord we don’t just survive life, we thrive! Our papa never made us to go through life with stress and sadness. He made us to thrive in his joy. We as Christians have so much to be joyous about but we get so focused on the things that we face from day to day that we forget that we have athority over everything and every situation in our life. We can go through each day with a smile on our face and praise on our lips because our savior has
conquered EVERYTHING!
So instead of letting life and the circumstances you are facing pull you down make that conscious choice to be joyful in all things and through that choice thrive in your christian walk and your daily life.
When you make that choice NOTHING can take away your joy.
For the fruit of the spirit is …Joy 
The Fruit Of The Spirit Is….Peace January 15, 2009
The dictionary defines peace as “a state of mental calm and serenity, with no anxiety, a calm and quiet state, free from disturbances or noise.”
The bible uses a particular word when talking about peace. It is shalom (peace) literally meaning nothing is missing, nothing is broken. This is the peace that Jesus promised us in John 14:27. This is the type of peace Paul would have spoken of in Phil. 4:6-7 had it been written in Hebrew. It is what belongs to every true believer in Christ. However most Christians do not live in this type of peace. Instead they live in chaos – emptiness, waste, desolation, and void.
We blame our heckic lives, family, finances, and the problems with society for our unrest and chaos, but in reality it is becaus we hold on to our problems like a life perserver.
It has always been interesting to me why as Christians we feel we have to take all of our cares, worries, and fears upon our own backs as though it is our cross to bear. Even worse why we just plan forget that we can take them to him or get some twisted joy and comfort by keeping our worries and fears.
Our loving heavenly father did not call us to carry any type of burden around on our backs. And opposed to popular belief, he never places those burdens of worry and fear on our backs.
No, instead he wants us to run as fast as we can to his waiting arms with everything. He longs for us to share with him every little thing.
I remember one time last year sitting alone absolutely heartbroken and feeling like I couldn’t share it with anybody. My dad the one who usually tells me to buck up and “take it like a man” (Ironic isn’t is? I’m pretty sure I’m a girl!) opened up my door, sat down, lifted me up onto his lap and asked me what was wrong. I told him the subject that was weighing on my heart and to my surprise tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. “J bug I can’t make the pain that you are feeling go away but I can listen.” In that small cameo of my fathers love and concern I saw what my heavenly father wants to do.
Sometimes he can’t make the situation go away but he longs for us to just come up to him with our fears and worries.
When we come to him with all of those burdens we are carrying he can provide us with that shalom peace. And when we are filled with that peace we can pass that along to all those we come in contact with.
However it is our job to make a conscious choice to keep that peace and not let the outside world effect us. We as christians are effectively in a bubble that is provided by Christ’s blood that gives us all the benefits of being children of our Abba and those benefits include Shalom. Though if we are not careful Satan can plant those seeds of fear and worry in our lives and we will be back to square one. That is why it is SO important to bring every care, worry, and fear to our papa no matter how small or silly it seems.
He will never think it is to small or silly. He will listen and he will give us that peace that passes all understanding if we just let him.
College Professors and Jesus… January 15, 2009
My man recently started college and he and I were sitting yesterday pondering what his Eng. 101 teacher wanted in a paper.
Ever notice that each professor wants something different in their papers?
Different formats, different punctuation, different lengths, and so on and so forth. It can be very frustrating to have to figure out each year how to please that particular professor.
Well in this case, once we really sat down and read through the synopsis and a couple of other reports that had been turned in it was easier to find what she wanted in his paper.
As we were trying to figure this out a thought came to mind.
Most Christians treat their heavenly father like new professors.
We act as though he changes his standards every morning asking something different of us. Somehow we think that it should be a struggle to figure out what he wants and that in reality we will never fully know what his will and standards are. However that isn’t so! Our Papa hasn’t changed since before the beginning of time. And we don’t need to try to find out how we can please him and live the perfect christian life. It is all there right in front of us in the love letter that he gave us. His will for our lives is spelled out in those very pages that are getting dusty on some book shelf. His standards have been the same and his son came so we could live up to them.
So instead of treating him like that new professor that you can never please at first, treat him like the loving father he is that gave you all you would ever need to walk this christian life. You just need to read!
No provisions! (Nope, not even a tiny one that is smaller than a pin head) January 9, 2009
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. – Romans 13:14
I was sitting at the grand canyon being bathed by warm cozy light and feeling sorry for myself and then this hit me.
Bam! You gotta love it when God hits you between the eyes with something you need to work on when all you want to do is sit and sulk.
Once I got to thinking about it I realized how much meat there was in this tiny verse.
Christ bought us with his blood and when we accepted him as our savior we surrendered ALL of our rights and said that his will was now our will, his time was now our time, and his plans were now our plans.
Unfortunately for our lovely flesh there is nothing about letting our flesh take over sometimes.
Instead, we have to make the choice to make no provisions for our fleshly desires and nature. For in reality we have no right to hang on to our fleshly nature.
I know I have felt sorry for myself because of something someone did or said and used the excuse that I have a right because they hurt me to give into the desires of my flesh to be hurt and vengeful.
In realty I know that I would be 1000% happier if I just surrendered that and chose to put on my saviors will and aditude but my stuborn streak digs in its heels and I end up being miserable until I surrender.
If you and I would not make any provisions for our flesh maybe our days would look like this:
A drive cuts you off in traffic. instead of screaming your head off in a sound proof car and cutting him off “cause he deserves it” you calmly go about your vehicular duties and let him in front of you when he needs to get into your lane.
Your spouse says that same little sentence to hit that nerve hidden inside your brain. Instead of blowing up you keep your cool and tell them you love them and try to find a solution to the problem.
Your co-worker has annoyed you for the thousandth time.
Instead of talking about her behind her back and giving her a cold shoulder when you are around her, show her love and pray for her.
Your customer yells at you for doing everything and the kitchen sink wrong.
Instead of loosing your cool inside and complaining about it later, show them love and bless them.
The different scenarios are endless during our dayly lives.
So tomorrow why don’ t you try something new?
Don’t make any provisions for your flesh and instead practice having only His ways, His times, and His will for every situation in your life.
The Fruit of the Spirit is….Love January 8, 2009
Love.
We throw that term around very flippantly in our everyday lives but do we really know what it means?
There are three types of love. Each is totally different and each of us has taken part in at least one of these types of love.
The first type of love is Eros. Eros is that fuzzy feeling you got in high school when you had your first boyfriend/ girlfriend and you announced to all around you that “I am in LOVE!!!” There are a couple of very interesting characteristics about Eros. First, in order to exist Eros is dependent upon the situation and circumstances. As long as you and your boyfriend are enjoying a romantic situation, Eros can thrive. But, as soon as hurtful words or actions appear, Eros simply evaporates.
Second, Eros is also held captive to each person’s perception
The second type of love is Philia. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy.
However as most of us know this love can be fickle and the slightest thing can make this love go awry.
The third and final type of love is Agape. This love is perfect in every way. It is not fickle and cannot go awry because this love is based on commitment not feelings. This love says, “I will love you even if you curse my name and leave me”. It says, “My love will stay with you through all your troubles and hardships”.
This is the love that is spoken of in the Bible.
For god so loved (Agape) the world that he gave his only son…..
Nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love (Agape) of God in Christ Jesus our Lord….
Christ said we would be known by our love. His agape love that shines through us who believe in him and let his love penitrate our hearts.
So next time you say I love him or her think about what type of love you are showing and let’s strive to show Agape love to all those around us.
Christ showed that love to us and we can do no less for him.
Such a funny thing January 6, 2009
Relationships are such a funny thing.
I have been courting my soldier boy for over a year and I have learned so much about life and learned so much about myself.
However I’ve also learned that relationships aren’t all flowers and roses like Disney and Hollywood tells us.
(for the sake of my love I’ll do both sides)
1)You don’t get those evenings with no interruptions as often.
2) Your girlfriend won’t stop talking even when you want to say something.
3) He doesn’t always clean up after himself.
4) She doesn’t wake you up on time
5) He forgets to put his laundry out …..
and the list goes on!
However maturity has been teaching many lessons like
1) You don’t have to win every battle
How many conflicts could be solved if we just let go and found a way to
compromise? But instead we let our pride get in the way.
2) Life doesn’t end if the toilet seat isn’t down.
3) Quality time is more important than quantity time.
4) Sometimes shutting up is the best gift you can give him / her.
5) You have to be open about your past, present, and future even if it
hurts.
6) Forgiveness is not an option. It’s mandatory if you want the relationship
to last.
7) Love is not a commodity that you can take away if you are mad or if you
want to push your other half into doing something.
8 ) Christ has to be the absolute center of your relationship…..
and this list grows each day as I learn more about life, and love, and God.
No matter what the most important thing I have learned is to stick it through no matter what. You might say ” you have no idea what my relationship has gone through and what I have to put up with!” but that is an excuse from hell. No matter what comes your way if that person is sent from God to you it is always worth it.
One more thought for the road. If you claim to love him / her then show them agape love.
Love is…………..
